Do You Smell? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, do you smell?

Me: You mean do I stink?

Sweetie: Well, of course you stink. You’re a human. No, I mean can you smell stuff?

Me: Yeah, but not a fraction as well as y’all can.

Doodlebug: Can you smell when somebody you know has passed by a spot?

Me: Only if they’re wearing perfume. Or, well, doing something else.

Sweetie: Can you scent when someone is in a bad mood and you should stay away?

Me: No, but I sure wish I could.

MoonCat: Can you scent when the air is stale because bulldogs have been opening their wide mouths too much, polluting the air? I sure can.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Deep Well at the End of the Earth – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: There sits the deep well. It is full of water. Beyond that is the end of the earth.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Sweetie: Hear it moan under its load.

Me: That’s because it’s a washing machine.

Doodlebug: It is moaning though.

Me: It’s a loud washing machine. Nice of you to wax poetic about it, Sweetie. That makes doing the wash seem special.

MoonCat: Beyond the moaning machine lays the land of cat quietude where is posted in shining words: No Bulldogs Allowed!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Empty Noggins – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, how come the blank stares?

Sweetie: Blank?

Doodlebug: Stares? Like the ones we walk up and down? I hate those.

Me: Blank stares as in you look like you don’t have a thought in your heads. Empty noggins.

Sweetie: I don’t have a noggin.

Doodlebug: Me either. You didn’t see me take one. Or did you? If I did, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take anyone’s noggin.

Me:  An empty noggin is an empty head.

Sweetie: My noggin’s not empty. I have lots of snot in it.

MoonCat: That explains an awful lot.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Bulldog Plan – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I have a bulldog plan so that what happened yesterday will never happen again. No more loud booms. No more bullhorns.

Doodlebug: Yes, leave the bulls alone with their horns.

Me: Sounds interesting. What’s the plan?

Sweetie: Humans don’t do anything anymore. Bulldogs run it all.

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: Admit it, ma’am. Humans have been fouling stuff up for a long time. Bulldogs would do a better job.

Me: I have trouble picturing that.

MoonCat: Picture this. A total disaster where nothing works and bulldogs have chewed everything up. Then they’ve deposited their “stuff” everywhere before snoring loudly through their numerous naps. An occasional loud noise instead? I can live with that.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

KA-BOOM! WHAT WAS THAT??? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: REALLY? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? WHAT WAS THAT HUGE BOOM NOISE?

Me: Stay back! Let me check. Quiet down. A man is speaking through a bullhorn.

Doodlebug: How did a human get a bull to let him use his horn?

Me: It’s a device that makes your voice louder. It’s the police. I can’t make out what he’s saying. He’s pausing after he talks. It’s pitch dark outside. I can’t see a thing. No flashing lights or nothing.

Sweetie: I’ll bet you dimes to donuts it’s humans acting up. Bulldogs would never be this rude.

Me: Where did you hear “dimes to donuts”?

Sweetie: Tall Man. He knows everything.

Me: Well, he’s still asleep, so he doesn’t know about this. There’s nothing to do here. We’ll find out later. I’m going back to bed.

MoonCat: Sanity prevails.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Brain Blabbing – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you mumbling under your breath? I don’t understand you.

Me: Brain blabbing. I don’t understand me either. Talk, talk, talk. Most of it total nonsense that hasn’t happened, won’t happen, maybe never even could happen.

Doodlebug: Oh, that stuff. Blah, blah, blah. I do that all the time, like this morning when those loud, humongous trucks came to grab trash cans and I thought, “Don’t come through that fence! What do I do if they come through that fence? Where do I run if they come through that fence? Should I run them off if they come through that fence?

MoonCat: Should I run through that fence to escape hearing about this fence nonevent?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Just Made It Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What was all that on the Big Picture Box last night, Lady Human? It was scary.

Me: Oh, that was just a story somebody made up.

Doodlebug: Made up?

Me: Yeah. Imagined. It didn’t happen in real life. They just made it look as though it did.

Doodlebug: Why ever would a human do that?

Me: Imagination is built into us by the Creator. You have it, too. Like when y’all dream. You’re asleep, but you’re barking and running. And the whole time, you’re just laying there on your bed. Well, humans dream, too, asleep and awake.

Sweetie: Like when Doodlebug makes up that he’s the King of the Olde English Bulldogges, whoever they are.

MoonCat: Watch out. Don’t go there.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Doggone! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Doggone it! Sorry, y’all! I got frustrated there when that thing wouldn’t come loose.

Sweetie: You barked, Lady Human! You barked out loud!

Me : Yeah. I let loose what my father used to call a fake cussword. Sorry.

Doodlebug: That’s okay. We get upset and bark, too. So where has that dog gone?

Me: What?

Sweetie: Yeah, where has the dog gone? I didn’t see it.

Me: No, there’s no other dog. That’s the fake cussword. It’s made up.

MoonCat: Uh-oh. I think we’ve entered one of those human arenas we should have left well enough alone.

©️  2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wait for It! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Here we go again.

Me: Sweetie, why are you staring at the clock?

Sweetie: Shhh! I’m waiting for the moving sticks on it to tell me when it’s time.

Me: Time for what?

Sweetie: I don’t know. I’ll know when it tells me.

Me: Clocks won’t tell you things…

Sweetie: Didn’t you say that clocks tell the time?

Me: Yeah, but…okay, you look at a clock and read its face for the time.

Sweetie: I thought you read books. Now you read faces, too?

MoonCat: Read my face.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

I Need New Parts – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you all bent over like that?

Me: Ugh, my back is tight. My legs are tight. I need new parts.

Sweetie: Oh, is that all?

Doodlebug: Bulldogs feel like that all the time.

Sweetie: Tall Man took old wheels off the rolling box and put new ones on and it rolled again just fine. Do that.

Me: Not the same.

Sweetie: How come? Seems the same to me.

MoonCat: In case it’s escaped your notice, humans don’t come equipped with wheels.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.