Not Again! – Conversations with Doodlebug & Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Okay, not again! LADY HUMAN!

Sweetie: What have you done now, Lady Human?

Me: Not a thing. I’m enjoying the power outages just like the rest of you.

Sweetie: Where is my fan air?

Me: Same place as my lamp light.

Doodlebug: You can use the Great Creator’s Big Light. It’s on. For right now.

Me: And you can breathe and enjoy His fresh air. It’s on, too.

Sweetie: Bulldogs have certain minimum requirements that are not being met.

Me: Why don’t we all just settle down and relax?

Doodlebug: Relax? We are full-blown bulldogs! How little you know us!

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wailing Skies – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

May 28, 2024, 6:05 a.m.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The sky is wailing, Lady Human. Please tell it to shut up.

Me: That’s the Tornado Warning.

Sweetie: So this is another human mess.

Me: Well, the siren is human, but no, we did not invent tornadoes.

Doodlebug: Don’t they know some of us are trying to sleep?

MoonCat: They don’t care about such things. Interruptions are their forte.

Me: Nobody is supposed to sleep just now. That siren says they have detected a hook cloud in the county. That means nearby.

Sweetie: Does this mean an early breakfast?

Me: It can. Is that why you came to get me?

Sweetie: No, I came to get you because I love you. And I wanted to visit with you. And to see if I could get an early breakfast.

BOOM!

Sweetie: Oh, Lady Humaaannn. The patio door’s open.

Me: Oh, great! The wind blew it open! The latch can’t hold it. I’ll have to.

Doodlebug: If the door’s open, we can all go outside to pee.

Me: Nobody is going outside to do anything. We are hunkering down. Except for me. I’m holding the door closed. Yay.

MoonCat: Consider me hunkered down. Y’all sleep tight.

Doodlebug: How long will this go on?

Me: Until the storm passes.

Sweetie: Who turned off the lights? How am I supposed to see my breakfast…when it eventually gets here?

Me: Power’s off. And now we’ve lost the phone and the internet, too.

Doodlebug: Point me in the right direction. I’ll go sniff ’em out.

Me: Sorry, Doodle. It don’t work that way.

Sweetie: The door is pushing you, Lady Human! Bulldog it! You’re plenty big enough!

Me: At least the steel gate is holding. That’s working.

Sweetie: Nothing else around here seems to be. Okay, time for early breakfast!

Me: Sorry, girl. You’ll have to wait until I can let go of the door.

Sweetie: See, Doodle! Keeping the wind and rain out of the house is more important to humans than breakfast. They have their priorities all wrong.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Change the Sheets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Service, please!

Me: Already?

Doodlebug: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. My bed blankets need changing.

Me: I just gave you clean blankets last night.

Doodlebug: Yes, but these smell yucky now.

Sweetie: Yeah, they smell like him.

MoonCat: Need I say more?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Litter Box Privileges – Conversations with MoonCat

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: MoonCat? What are you doing all the way back here?

MoonCat: Exploring the wonderful bulldog-free mysteries of this palace.

Me: Well, It’s not exactly a palace…

MoonCat: It has rooms, floors, halls, doors, and this lovely litter box cubicle. Of course, it’s a palace. And no bulldogs.

Me: Well, every once in a while they wander in here.

MoonCat: Don’t spoil it for me, Lady Human.

Me: And this is my bathroom, not a litter box cubicle.

MoonCat: You could have fooled me.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Goofy Hats – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you laughing at, Lady Human? And Sweetie, how come you’re laughing, too? I’m serious. I’m not funny.

Me: Your head. A flower drifted down from a tree and it’s sitting on your head like a tiny hat.

Sweetie: You look goofy.

Doodlebug: Get it off! I can’t look goofy! I’m the king!

Me: It’s just a flower.

Doodlebug: No one will take me seriously.

Sweetie: Too late. No one ever has.

Me: It’s alright. It just blew away.

Doodlebug: Good. No tree should put a hat on me anyway. Now I’m normal.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t say that.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

To Improve Promptness – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Service! Service here now!

Me: Hold your horses!

Doodlebug: We have no horses to hold.

Sweetie: But if we did, you’d better believe we could hold them.

Me: I’m mean, what’s the hurry?

Doodlebug: Me. I’m the hurry.

Me: It’s not like you’re going to give me a tip.

Sweetie: Tip?

Me: Yeah, a reward “to improve promptness”.

Doodlebug: Here’s a tip. Promptly let me outside or you will promptly be cleaning up the floor.

Me: Fair enough.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.