I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Lady Human! Wiggles is dragging towels out of the clean up box. Violation of House Rule 1,390,245.
Me: Wiggles, leave the towels alone.
Wiggles: No. Yes. No. Okay. Can I keep the ones I already have?
Me: I guess so, as long as you don’t eat them.
Wiggles: Awwww. Never mind then.
Me: And Stella, we don’t have a million plus house rules.
Stella: You could’ve fooled me.
Snoopey: Lady Human! Stella is sitting too close to the Picture Box. She is staring at it. That’s bad for her eyes. Violation of House Rule blah – blah – blah – blah – blah.
Stella: Hey, I’m the one who gets to call out House Rule violations. And I’m not, because I like these pretty pictures. And besides, Wiggles is still in violation of House Rule 1,390,245 and she is pulling out more towels and Lady Human hasn’t stopped her.
Tiger: Lady Human! Miss Sweetie is sitting over in the corner making loud, rumbly noises. Violation of some House Rule or other, I’m sure.
Me: House Rules are to promote safety, peace, and enjoyment. How are rumbly noises a violation of those?
Tiger: I don’t enjoy her rumbly noises so there’s that.
Miss Sweetie: Lady Human! Doodlebug walked into Wiggles’ crate, sniffing around and drooling! Violation of House Rule something or other.
Doodlebug: Tattle tale! Nosy nose!
Miss Sweetie: Lady Human! Doodlebug is calling me names for following the rules. Make him stop! Violation of House Rule I don’t know what, but…
Me: Okay. New House Rule.
Tiger: Oh, no!
Snoopey: Not another one.
Me: Everybody minds their own business.
Stella: That’s fine with me because everything is my business. Now make it official.
Me: Okay…it’s official?
Stella: Number, please.
Me: Really? How about Stella’s choice?
Me: So… what’s the number?
Stella: I have no idea. I can’t count that high.
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