I am Stella, Queen and Illustrious Old English Bulldogge, and I demand to know what you were up to for most of the day, Lady Human. You were not responding to our beck and call. What is beck anyway?
Me: I was resting.
Stella: Why are you whispering?
Me: I have laryngitis.
Stella: Really? May I have some?
Me: Laryngitis means my vocal chords are inflamed and I have lost my voice.
Stella: Inflamed! Who set them on fire? Let me at ‘em! I’ll teach them not to set things that are not theirs on fire! Where did you lose your voice? Was it in the back yard? I can organize the bulldogs into a search party. Point us in the right direction and we will find your voice for you. Of course, I will have to make clear that no one is to eat it if they find it. You know how bulldogs are.
Me: Yes. As in Miss Sweetie eating the paper towel.
Stella: Sweetie is too young to have good taste yet. At least her stomach had the good sense to throw it up.
Me: I’ll need your help until my voice comes back.
Stella: Your quiet, indoor voice whispering will be fine. You know how obedient we are…Right? Lady Human?…Oh, I understand. You are being quiet because your voice is still lost out there in the yard. Never fear. I will use my royal voice on your behalf.
Me: Okay, first things first. No cat chasing.
Stella: I beg your pardon.
Me: You have it since you are the main cat chaser.
Stella: I’m sorry. I couldn’t quite hear that.
Me: You heard me, Stella.
Stella: No. You are speaking so quietly.
Me: Then let me repeat myself.
Stella: Please don’t.
Me: No cat chasing. That stirs everyone up and is not helpful to me at all.
Stella: Cat chasing is a tradition among my people. You would not interfere with a cultural tradition, would you? Of course not.
Stella: Wow! Your whispers can be very loud.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.