Fussbudget – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Phhuubbbb!

Me:        What?

Stella:    Pooh!

Me:        Say again.

Stella:    Blubb, phubb, blaagghh! Hmmmpphh! Don’t talk to me!

Me:        What a fussbudget!

Stella:    Fussy budgie?

Me:        Fussbudget. Whiner. Complainer. Grumbler.

Stella:    Budget? Like when you cut back on our treats. Pooh! Don’t try to budget my fuss!

Me:        Why are you in a bad mood?

Stella:    How much time do you have? Because I have a long list.

Me:        No, please. No lists today. Maybe tomorrow.

Stella:    I will hold you to that promise.

Me:        I’m just not in the mood for a list of complaints. I have some of my own and I am trying to stay positive.

Stella:    Well, I am positive. I have a long list. And I am adding your name to it.

Me:        Why? What did I do?

Stella:    You called me a fussy budget. How is calling someone a name supposed to put them in a better mood.

Me:        I believe that sometimes when your friend is acting badly, you do them a favor by calling them out on it. Otherwise, they may just keep on acting ugly and never realize it.

Stella:    Well, still. Calling me…did you say ‘friend’? Me?

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    I am your friend?

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    But you have a bunch of friends.

Me:        No.

Stella:    That makes me special.

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    Your friend. And a fussy budget. That’s me.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

I Am So Mad and I Like It! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Lady Human!

Me:        That’s me! What? No long introduction about who you are?

Stella:    There is no time! I am highly offended and I can’t let this nasty feeling wear off!

Me:        Why do you want to hold on to a nasty feeling?

Stella:    Being angry feels good.

Me:        Yeah, sometimes. Until it sours your stomach. Dare I ask why you are offended?

Stella:    Whether you ask or not, I will tell you. MOON THE CAT!

20160311_140725.jpg

Me:        What about her?

Stella:    She looked right at me, right in the eye, and said…listen to this! She said, ‘MEOW!’ Aaaaaghhh! I am so mad!

Me:        I am not good at interpreting cat dialects. That sounds like the same thing she says every day. Why is this different?

Stella:    It was a cat insult and she meant it! MEOW! She shouted it! How would she feel if I said, “Hey, cat! How dumb are you!” Right in her face! On television, I saw humans carrying signs and marching in the streets. I want a sign, Lady Human! I want to march around the cat, carrying a sign that says, ‘Cat, shut up!’ and ‘No More Meows!’

Me:        All right. This is going to sound like a lecture, but why don’t you just forgive her and go on with your life?

Stella:    She yelled MEOW at me. That’s a fightin’ word.

Me:        I figure every word a cat says to you is a fightin’ word. But not every word is worth fighting over. Why don’t you try walking up to her and saying something nice?

Stella:    Like what? ‘Hey, Moon, your face isn’t as ugly today as it usually is.’

Me:        Maybe something kinder like ‘Hey, I like the way you can jump up on tall things.’

Stella:    I don’t like that. I never know when she is going to pounce on my head.

Me:        She has never done that. I think you have blown this whole thing out of proportion.

Stella:    Easy for you to say. She has never yelled MEOW in your face. You just wait. One of these days I am going to yell MEOW right back at her. Then we’ll see who out-cats who.

Me:        Stella the Bull-cat.

Stella:    What did you call me?

Me:        Nothing.

Stella:    Aw, the nasty mood is fading. I knew it wouldn’t stay around.

Me:        Aren’t you starting to feel better?

Stella:    Yes. It’s terrible. I really wanted to carry that sign.

Me:        Sorry, Stella. You’ll just have to wait until the next time.

Stella:    Will there be a next time to be offended?

Me:        Sadly, there always is.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.