I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you hiding behind your back?
Me: Nothing important.
Doodlebug: I see it. Nail clippers! Run!
Me: Wait, y’all! How about I just clip one toenail each day?
Sweetie: One toenail too many! All we want is for our precious feet to be left alone!
Doodlebug: You know what she will do? She’ll wait until we’re asleep and then she’ll sneak up on us with her sneaky clippers.
MoonCat: Solution? Sleep with feet tucked under and one eye open.
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Bulldoggy 