Month: December 2021

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The world has changed. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Me:  Is this about the dead pecan tree?

Stella:  Yes, and don’t talk about it. It hurts my feelings.

Me: It will if you think only about what was lost. Have you noticed how many birds have come into the yard since the dead tree was cut back the other day? Woodpeckers, mockingbirds, sparrows…

Stella:  But why now? The Bird Tree is gone.

Me:  The big stump is left. And they are finding new places to perch. Not everything has changed. We just make some adjustments.

Stella:  Is it alright if I say something about the old pecan tree?

Me: Sure.

Stella:  Dear Old Pecan Tree, we miss you. We may get used to you being gone, but one thing is for sure. Our bulldog world is a lot weirder now. And the yard is a whole bunch emptier. But at least squirrels won’t be able to throw nuts on our heads from your branches anymore.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, Tall Man is doing something strange in the yard. It is noisy and I don’t like it.

Me:  Yes, and you all can’t go in the yard for a while until he finishes.

Stella:  It’s our yard. We just allow humans to use it. Why shouldn’t we go out?

Me:  He is taking down what is left of the old pecan tree, the one that Snow-pocalypse killed last winter. Some of it is already gone, but the rest needs to come down.

Stella:  No more tree? But what…how…what about…awwww!

Me:  Yeah, I know. It was the last big tree in the backyard, but it just didn’t make it past that big freeze. And that on top of the big summer storm with the hurricane force winds that took down our old oak two years ago.

Stella:  But now the yard will be all naked.

Me:  It does take a long time to grow a big tree. There are other plants out there.

Stella:  I can see through the window. The sky looks so empty. How can something be there for so long and then just be gone?

Me: The stump will still be there.

Stella:  Small comfort, but at least Doodlebug will still have something to pee on.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Old English Bulldogges. She’s doing it again, Lady Human! Why, oh why? Make it stop!

Me:  What is going on in here?

MoonCat:  Meow! Hello! Welcome to playtime!

Me:  No, it is not. We are trying to sleep.

Doodlebug:  But that doesn’t work during playtime, does it? MoonCat told me to call you.

MoonCat:  Yes, because my voice is not loud enough.

Me: That’s debatable. You cannot keep waking up the household in the middle of the night.

Doodlebug: I can.

Me:  I mean you shouldn’t. Why are you doing what a cat tells you to do anyway?

Doodlebug:  When you put it like that, I don’t know.

Me:  MoonCat has trained you to call me in the dark of night when neither one of you need anything.

MoonCat:  Meow. Excuse me, but I do need an extra tasty snack and my food bowl is only half full. Sleep can wait.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Hey, Stella, let’s go sit outside.

Stella:  Nope.

Me:  Okay, well, how about a walk?

Stella:  You have got to be kidding.

Me:  Don’t you want to do anything?

Stella:  Nope. I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again, Lady Human. What part of “bulldog” do you not understand?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! A human is cutting down a tree in the living room.

Me: What? No, there are no trees in the house.

Stella:  But it’s that ugly, buzzing noise. Listen! You always say that a human is cutting a tree when we hear that.

Me:  Yeah, usually, but this time it’s the pack sawing logs.

Stella:  No! Never give a chain saw to a bulldog! They won’t know when to stop!

Me:  They do sound like chain saws, I’ll have to admit, but it’s snoring. Humans sometimes call that ‘sawing logs’ when it’s really loud.

Stella:  So, we are safe.

Me:  Sure, and you’ve been known to saw a few logs yourself.

Stella:  Now you’re just making stuff up. If I ever made a noise like that, I would be the first one to tell myself to shut up.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a stable, settled creature. When it is bedtime, it is bedtime, not meowing time or wandering around the house time.

Doodlebug:  Are you referring to me?

Stella:  Among others. You know who you are. MoonCat.

MoonCat:  Meow. I don’t wander. I meander. There is a huge difference.

Me:  Okay. Explain.

MoonCat:  Wandering around the house is what a human or a dog might do. Meandering is much more elegant. It is the purview of cats. Get it. Purr-view of cats.

Me:  I get it. I just don’t understand why Doodle has started joining in at night. It’s highly disruptive to our sleep patterns.

MoonCat:  Nonsense, Lady Human. I sleep anytime, anywhere. I am completely well-rested. So you have nothing to worry about. Good night for now.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you doing, Lady Human?

Me:  Pulling up stumps from last season’s overgrowth.

Stella:  Oh, that’s different than what I thought ‘cuz to me it looks like you’re wasting time.

Me:  This may look easy but it’s not. These stumps have deep roots, and they don’t give way easily.

Stella:  Put your foot down.

Me:  How will that help?

Stella:  I tell you all the time. Be a bulldog! What happens when one of us won’t go where you want us to go? We put our feet down and then you put your foot down and the biggest foot wins. So put your big ole foot down. Show that little bitty ole stump who’s boss.

Me:  Hey, it moved.

Stella:  Duh. Of course, it did. You have the world’s biggest feet.

Me:  I beg your pardon.

Stella:  Beg all you want to. It won’t change facts.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.