I, Stella, yes, me. Queen. Illustrious. Noble. Olde English Bulldogge. All of that. I hereby declare this audience open and I will take no further questions.
Me: You just opened the audience. Why not?
Stella: That is a question.
Me: Technically, yes.
Stella: Let me be clear. I will take no more questions from you, Lady Human.
Me: Just me?
Stella: That is a question. No questions from you.
Me: Why not? What did I do wrong?
Stella: Those are 2 questions. I will entertain questions from anyone else.
Me: There are no other humans present right now.
Stella: Then human questions must wait. I may have some time next year, whatever a year is. Are there any bulldogs with questions?
Tiger: Yes. Why are you the queen and why are you so rude?
Stella: Those are 2 questions also. Please do not try my patience by attempting to string multiple questions together, pretending that they are one long question. Plus I don’t like your questions. I hereby amend my declaration. No more questions from Lady Human or Tiger. Next!
Miss Sweetie: I have a question, Aunt Stella.
Stella: Go ahead, Sweetie.
Miss Sweetie: Why?
Stella: Why what?
Miss Sweetie: Why? Just why? Why daytime? Why night? Why up? Why down? Why do I have four legs and Lady Human only has two? Why this? Why not that?
Stella: Halt! New amendment to my declaration. No further questions from anyone under the age of two.
Wiggles: I have a question. I am older than two.
Stella: Good, Wiggles. What is your question?
Wiggles: Hahahahaha! You asked a question. Now I have to answer it…Never mind. I forgot.
Stella: Awwwggghhh. Whose idea was it to have these audiences?
Me: Sorry, not taking questions from you right now.
Wiggles: You said it was what queens do. Hey, Stella, there! I answered a question. Hahahaha!
Snoopey: I have something to say.
Stella: Very well. Proceed.
Snoopey: Be quiet!
Stella: That was not a question.
Snoopey: It is the answer.
Stella: To what question, pray tell?
Snoopey: To any question. Especially the question of what do you say to Stella when she is being loud and rude?
Stella: Insolent and insubordinate.
Stella: That’s it! End of the audience. I will not take any further questions from anyone. Next audience, I will be asking AND answering my own questions. I like my questions better. Dismissed!
Snoopey: Lady Human, when is the next audience? It ought to be a hoot.
Lady Human: I’ll bring the popcorn.
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