I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby issue this warning. Humans are scary! SCARY!
Me: Stella, indoor voice, please!
Stella: I have no indoor voice. I have only one voice – my voice. My big, bulldoggy voice.
Me: Why are humans suddenly so scary to you?
Stella: Not suddenly. For a long time now. Look at all the things you do. Driving rolling boxes at super fantastic speeds. Showing up on the Picture Box. Blowing things up.
Me: When have I ever blown anything up?
Stella: That big rubber ball in the yard. I saw you use that pumpy thing to blow it up.
Me: Oh, that kind of blowing up. Yeah, I have pumped air into quite a few things in my time.
Stella: You see! No bulldog could do that. We have enough air, but we can’t keep our lips tight for that long and we aren’t good with machinery. And by the way, the big rubber ball is terrifying.
Me: The others seem to like it.
Stella: The others are stupid. Never bump something with your nose that is double your height. What if it got mad? What if it started to chase you? What would you do?
Me: A big rubber ball? I’d probably kick it.
Stella: You see again? Human talent. Imagine a bulldog trying to do that.
Me: But why scary? I’m not scary.
Stella: What was that in your hand a few minutes ago?
Me: Ummm. A spoon?
Stella: Before that.
Me: A bowl?
Stella: Before that.
Me: The TV remote?
Stella: BEFORE THAT?
Me: An automatic lighter?
Stella: And what do you use that for?
Me: I use it to light scented candles.
Stella: And what does it do?
Me: It strikes a small flame…
Stella: FLAME! And what is another word for flame?
Stella: Bingo! And what is bingo?
Me: Off topic.
Stella: Okay. But do you see how scary that it? All a human has to do to start a fire is to pick up a lighter and press a button. SCARY. Do you know what a bulldog has to do to start a fire?
Stella: I HAVE NO IDEA!
Me: If you did know how to start a fire, can you guess what I would say?
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
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