I am Stella, and if anyone should know about bulldog snorting, it should be me. My snorting is loud and impressive, evidence of my good bulldog breeding. Since the windy, branch-shaking day though, Lady Human has been imitating me and badly, all to make fun of me. I don’t like that. It’s not funny. It makes me mad. Stop it, Lady Human, stop it now!
Stella: You did it again! No respect!
Me: Ah-choo! I can’t stop.
Stella: Of course, you can stop. You’ve never behaved this way before and I have known you for almost 2 days.
Stella: I don’t sound like that! My snorts are serious.
Me: I am not mimicking you, honey. There is some allergen in the air. It blew in on Sunday and I’ve been breathing it in. I’ve been sneezing ever since.
Stella: Stop breathing in.
Me: I can’t stop breathing, Stella. Not a good idea.
Stella: Oh. Yeah. Never mind. Then wear one of Tall Man’s giant insect masks.
Me: If it weren’t so bulky, that might be a good idea. Do you believe me now that I am not trying to make fun of you?
Stella: Yes. I am sorry that I doubted you, Lady Human. It’s just that with so many people making fun of bulldogs, it is hard to maintain any semblance of dignity.
Me: Dignity is important to y’all, isn’t it?
Stella: Of course. Isn’t it important to humans?
Stella: I have heard that some humans call us ‘the clowns of the dog world’. Others are afraid of us because of our size, our faces, our upside-down vampire teeth.
Me: Like the lady at the feed store was afraid.
Stella: Yes. I did not understand that. Everyone else has always given me a chance.
Me: She ended up giving you a chance and you came through shining like a star. And don’t be concerned if people laugh at you, Stella. Be concerned when you forget how to laugh back.
Stella: Lady Human?
Stella: Hahahahaha! You sound so funny when you snort! A-choo! A-choo! Do it again!
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.