Bulldog Etiquette – How to Treat Cats – Conversations with the Pack

Me:        I am calling this meeting…

Stella:    Wait! No! I am the Olde English Bulldogge Queen. I call all pack meetings.

Me:        All right.

Stella:    Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.

Me:        And…

Stella:    What?

Me:        Are you going to call the meeting?

Stella:    What meeting?

Me:        This meeting is to tell you all how you need to behave around the cat. Our cat. Any cat. Anywhere. Anytime.

Wiggles:  Like right now?

Me:        Yes.

Wiggles:  Like when the sun comes up?

Me:        Yes, Wiggles. In the morning, too.

Wiggles:  And the next sun rising?

Me:        Yes, Wiggles.

Wiggles:  And the next…

Stella:    Hush, Wiggles! Do you see where this is going, Lady Human? Nowhere! And the meeting hasn’t been called yet, Wiggles. Why are we even having a meeting?

Me:        Because of an incident the other day between you and Moon the cat.

Stella:    Oh. That. No meeting today. Everybody go about your business.

Me:        Here are the rules:

No sitting on the cat. No staring at the cat. No chasing the cat. No insulting the cat. No drooling on the cat. No jumping on the cat’s bed. No licking on the cat unless she says it’s all right which she won’t.

Stella:    Aw, Lady Human, not fair. The cat has beds all over the place, even places that aren’t cat beds.

Snoopey:  I do none of those things. The cat and I are on excellent terms. And as pack leader, I should be the one to call pack meetings.

Stella:    Queens outrank pack leaders.

Snoopey:  Nonsense.

Tiger:     I am the one who is really in charge of this pack.

Snoopey & Stella:  NO, YOU AREN’T!

Me:        They are right, Tiger. I am the one who is really in charge of this pack.

Stella:    Where is that written down?

Me:        Genesis.

Stella:    Have I read that?

Me:        If you doubt me, ask the Great Creator.

Stella:    Oh. Okay. Never mind. I’ll do that later.

Me:        Does everyone understand the rules?

Stella:    Pretty negative rules, if you ask me.

Miss Sweetie:    Can we do nice things for the cat?

Stella:    Like what, Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie:  If we find a dead rat, can we bring it to her? That would be a nice thing.

Stella:    No, I’d leave that alone.

Doodlebug:  What about sticks? Sticks make great gifts.

Stella:    Save your sticks for yourself, boy. They will be wasted on Moon. The ways of cats are beyond mysterious. That’s why I like to chase them – for research. Meeting adjourned.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

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